Good News, Bad News… It’s All Relative
It’s important to remember that setbacks, failures, and tragedy are a part of life. Whether we manage to find joy and success in the daily struggle of life is largely dependent on our ability to persevere through even the toughest adversity without ever giving up. Gilles Douaire.
Dan and I are winding up our land lives in preparation for our journey out to sea. For many people, this involves selling a home, property, vehicles; all the items ones uses in daily life in a “normal” home. For us, our transition is a little more difficult because of the choices of activities in which we have chosen to imbed ourselves over the past 20 years. To simply extricate ourselves is not a possibility. There is more of an unraveling process in which we have to unwind ourselves from the tangled webs we have weaved.
Two major mile stones we hope to accomplish by the end of this summer are wrapping up our involvement in Dan’s polo career, and retirement from my career as an equestrian vaulting coach. Both of us have enjoyed and immersed ourselves in these past times. They have been a major part of our lives. We have shared these interests in that I became a polo umpire to take part in Dan’s passion. It allowed me to be on the playing field as I have never been one to sit and watch from the sidelines. Dan has been integral in my vaulting career as the transporter of horses, truck driver, lounger at competitions, and generally is an essential cog in the team functioning when we travel. This past week, my vaulting took me out to California to train for my last national championships to be held in Loveland, Colorado. Dan stayed home to play in one of his final polo matches on the countdown to retirement this fall. As if life was not chaotic enough with us going to two separate directions, it just so happened that the boat of our dreams, the Taswell 43, popped up for sale. Dan found 5 of these boats in the last six months, each being sold before we could schedule an appointment to look at them. This particular boat was in Mexico and would be arriving in Florida in two weeks. The price was right; we both were thrilled with the specs. Dan began researching a plane ticket to Mexico to take a look and possibly make an offer on the boat before she sailed to Florida to get scooped up like those before her. As I kissed Dan goodbye for my two week vaulting marathon on the West coast, hopes were high, life seemed great, excitement hung in the air like an albatross floating on an ocean breeze.
My first week involved flying to California to train on my daughter Katie’s vaulting horse. I am fortunate that I can bring my vaulters to her farm, train on her horse on the West Coast, and attend competitions without having to transport a horse across the country. Our national vaulting competition was being held in Loveland, Colorado, which only involved a 2 day drive with the horses, instead of the 3,000 mile round trip it would take to bring our own horse from New Jersey. The perk of course, is that I got to spend time with my daughter and her new family, some of my favorite people on the planet!
The week flew by for me in California. I got to do some sightseeing, had alovely visit with Katie and her husband’s family, and my vaulters were well prepared to attend my last national vaulting championships. I had been on the phone with Dan each and every day, planning and dreaming about his visit to our prospective boat, our prospective future home. Dan was holding down the farm, cleaning up from a devastating storm that attacked our house the week prior, but all was good on the home front. Sunday arrived, the day for Dan’s weekly polo match and the beginning of our drive with horses from California to Colorado. That morning, Dan left home with his polo ponies in tow, and the kids and I piled into a rental car and followed the horse trailer towing the vaulting horses to Colorado. It was the first leg for us of a two day journey. Life seemed great, all was going as planned. I am still amazed at how quickly things can turn upside down in an instant with such dizzying speed. One phone call, and I felt like a piece of driftwood being tossed in the waves of a hurricane.
We had been traveling for hours across desert. Flat lands spread as far as the eyes could see. Shades of brown were the only variation in color, with dots of bushes and boulders the only contrast to the monotony of the landscape. We were locked away in our air conditioned car as temps in the high 90’s rolled in the wake of our caravan. I felt sorry for the horses in the trailer in front of us, but took consolation in the fact they were shaded, had a good breeze rolling through the trailer, and each was equipped with their own fan. Just when I thought the monotony would never end, the road began to rise, slowly at first, and then crested at a gently rising hilltop.
We watched the horse trailer we had been following for nearly 12 hours, rise over the hill and disappear over the other side. As our car followed over the top of the hill, the sight of a brilliant blue and white horizon sent shivers down my spine. At first, the scene in front of me looked like an ocean. A pale blue shimmering landscape stretched as far as the eyes could see. We all gasped and were silent until it hit me, “We have arrived at the salt flats of Utah!”
I had seen car commercials involving stunts and racing on the giant white desert floor known as the salt flats. When it rains on the flats, the thin layer of water creates a blue, shimmering effect that is absolutely dazzling. This is what we were seeing. It was stunning and a complete contrast to the desert terrain that lay only miles prior to the flats. We picked a rest area to stop and refuel, offer the horses water and a few treats. Then it was time to cross this totally new desert, one of white salt and brilliance, a totally foreign environment to any I had previously witnessed.
We had 2 hours left to go. The ride through the salt flats had been mesmerizing. The trance was broken toward the end of the desert terrain with a text I received. It read, “Contact me IMMEDIATELY. Dan has been in an accident.” My heart instantly relocated to the back of my throat. My pulsed raced and I felt light headed. I found it difficult to punch the numbers into my phone to make the call, but somehow I managed to fight through my panic and reach the friend who had information about my husband. My silent prayers, “please let him be alive,” were instantly answered as the voice on the other end of the phone informed me that Dan had taken a bad fall but was conscious when he was removed off the field. Through several questions and the revealing of details, I determined that Dan came off his pony going around 30 miles per hour. The fall was spectacular. Two doctors who appeared at the scene determined there was a shoulder dislocation and other injuries and that Dan needed hospitalization immediately. He was in route to a local hospital.
By the time I finally got to speak to my husband, safely tucked away in a hospital bed, we had completed our 14 hour journey to the first night’s stop with the horses. I had only 3 hours sleep prior to the trip as we had left at 2 that morning. I was sick to my stomach and the only place I wanted to be at that moment was by my husband’s side. I got the run down from the x-rays, which included a dislocated shoulder, multiple fractures of the humorous, and a possible hip fracture. Surgery was going to be needed to put Dan back together. I was in Salt Lake City and had to at least get the horses and kids to their destination in Colorado before I could fly home. The conversation however, did not quite go as I expected.
“Honey, I will get the first flight out of Denver tomorrow night, as soon as I get the horses unloaded and someone to take over for me at the competition.” Dan replied calmly, “There is nothing you can do here. You need to stay with the kids and the horses. Stay there, do your job. I’ll be fine.” “What are you talking about? You need surgery, you need me there. I need to be there!” “Sweetheart. I have lots of help here, Philip (our oldest son) is here, I have my brother and sister nearby. There’s nothing you’ll be able to do here. Please stay there and don’t worry about me.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” tears now streaming down my face, hysteria threatening. “This is not about you!” I yelled into the phone, while my husband lay in his hospital bed, broken in many pieces. “I need to be there, not here!” Suddenly, there was a beeping sound in the background as Dan’s blood pressure spiked and there was a flurry of activity as nurses arrived in the room to take care of Dan. I took a deep breath and after more banter, I agreed not to make a decision until the surgeons met and decided on a course of action. I would get a good night’s sleep and call Dan the following day. It seemed forever until the following night arrived and we were at our venue for the Vaulting National Championships, horses safely unloaded, and the Denver airport only 45 minutes away. Dan and I came to a compromise that I would fly home on Friday night, after my vaulters had competed, but 4 days earlier than my original departure date.
A few days later, an event occurred that altered the view of my personal hardships. I was feeling sorry for myself, my husband, and the turn of events that would significantly alter the course of the next 6 months for our family. In a freak accident, a horse flipped over onto a 7 year old vaulter, pinning her underneath his thousand pounds of weight. Her tiny body was fractured in many places, her skull fractured, lung punctured, pelvis, arm and leg broken. She had to be air lifted from the competition and was in a coma. Needless to say, all present were devastated. Suddenly, things came into a new perspective. While I knew my husband would be in pain for a while, he was going to be ok. While all our plans of boat shopping, home fixing, planning for our future might be on hold, at least we still had a future. For 20 some years, we have been healthy, accident free in sports where many accidents occur. My thoughts and prayers now were directed to this tiny girl, fighting for her life, for her future and my troubles seemed tremendously less important. To make a long story shorter… the young lady survived two surgeries, came out of the coma, and is starting to make her recovery. I arrived home, am taking care of my husband who is very sore, but on the mend. A plate and 10 screws were put in his arm, and there is a lot of bruising all over his body. His attitude is wonderful and I’m sure he will heal quickly. We are thankful that his injuries are not worse and in a few months, all will be healed.
What does this mean for our immediate future? Perhaps this was a sign from God not to buy that Taswell. Perhaps it will sink on the trip from Mexico to Florida! Maybe the boat will not sell as quickly as the others and will be waiting for us when we recover from these recent events. Whatever destiny or fate has in store for us, we accept and welcome the outcome. We are together. We are happy. We will be healthy and recover. Our time table may be delayed slightly but who knows what the future has in store for us that may include even more wonderful things than we ever imagined. We will weather this storm and enjoy the calm that follows. The winds have shifted us, but we still know our course. If it were not for the storms, we would not enjoy the soft breezes and sunshine. And as long as we have each other, we will follow our dreams which will be that much sweeter when we finally reach the sea.
And as far as the “Good News, Bad News” goes, I have to admit that Dan was right. Because of the bad news, I wanted desperately to go home. However, because I stayed in Colorado, I was able to spend an evening in Boulder with my son Derek James. Derek is attending school in Boulder so I took an evening out of my schedule and drove to have dinner with my son. As fate would have it, his girlfriend was also visiting. Another group of family members just happened to be in the area also, so we all got together and met in the quaint downtown for dinner. After dinner, we strolled along the lamp lit streets admiring the flowers, the music, the ambiance, and we came upon two individuals playing the song, “The Way You Look Tonight.” Derek drew his girlfriend Catie closer to the performers, and looked at her with love in his eyes. At the end of the song, the woman singing, paused while strumming the song gently in the background and looked at the couple. She said, “There is no coincidence we are here tonight, and Derek has a very important question to ask.” Derek got down on one knee, pulled out a diamond ring, and asked the love of his life to be his bride.
Had I not stayed, I wouldn’t have gotten to witness that romantic and magical moment. I would not have been there to welcome a truly wonderful person into our family. Good news, bad news, it’s all relative, as long as we embrace all news as part of life and love the life we live.
